Life in Mascara: Be the Light

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Be the Light


after the great escape happened, i got settled into a new apartment with the help of some great friends. i ate whatever, whenever, not really focusing on me but mainly on the two most important souls i had with me, my dogs. they were displaced and feeling it. they whimpered and were restless. i had uprooted their lives too. they no longer had a yard to roam free in, but rather, lived in the spare bathroom of my apartment. their bellies were a mess as well. the first month was filled with vet appointments. i would come home from work and lay holding them to my chest on our inflatable mattress. because that was all we had. an inflatable mattress given to me by a great friend (the man i will soon marry) and some sheets that my old college roommate, who also helped me get the apartment, gave us. they were my life raft and i was prepared to cling on to them for dear life.

we began to settle into our new life just the four of us, Pedro, Bear, the Mattress, and myself. yet i could still see their anxiety. i began to wonder if i was actually feeding them my own anxiety. in the name of science, or whatever you want to call it, i put it to the test. i started to act more cheerful around them. i spoke in a happy high pitched voice and literally pranced around the empty apartment with them in tow. i sung to them and i danced with them in my arms (Pedro not so much a fan of this) but i did it. i made sure not to cry in front of them. call me crazy but when the nights became a reminder of just how alone i really was and the tears began to form, i would take a shower. there were times i would shower 3 to 4 times a day. it would make me feel better because my dogs would not place their little snouts to my face and lick my tears away as they whined in pain for me, but also because the water would wash away my tears, in turn washing away my pain. as time went by the fake happiness began to be replaced by true happiness and my dogs began to slowly heal themselves. the whining subsided. the doggie diarrhea passed. off we were the dogs, the mattress, and i to our new lives.

not to diminish anyone's help during this whole ordeal but i honestly believe that had it not been for them, the whole process would have been more difficult. i don't think that i could have crawled out of my bunker and braved the world as i did with out them. i was strong for them. i was a mom to them. i lived for them and they in turn gave me the purest form of love and affection. the bond between a human and a dog is something only a pet lover can express. all i know is that i have lived off of cup a noodle and water many days so that my babies can have their ever expensive prescription diet (Bear is diabetic and Pedro refuses to eat anything else if Bear doesn't eat it too) and medicine. and i wouldn't have it any other way.

what i am trying to say is that we have the capability to be the light in other people's lives and yet we choose not to. we can infuse them with happiness simply by choosing to be happy ourselves. it is not always simple, trust me i get that, but the possibility is within us. who have you been a light to today?

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